Odo's Trials and Tribulations in Getting Good at Golf Part III

Third chapter of a series

It was cold. It was rainy. It was holy. This weekend failed to generate any good conditions for my Quest for 99. But hi-yo f*ckin' silver, I was NOT about to be stopped. My passion and desire for getting good at golf was not going to be disturbed by the elements or Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior. After all, I'm half-Jewish. Easter only lasts until noon for me. Post-noon, I'm as free as a bird - Nelly Furtado style. Nothing could come in the way between me and this blog diary. Something probably should have though because I played like total ass all weekend long. 18 holes of absolute dog sh*t swings. I'm blaming it on softball taking over my life for summer and have since contemplated retiring from softball to fully focus on getting good at golf. After all, if this guy can do it (Quitting Job for Golf), then why can't I? Then I realized that softball is the only sport I'm actually good at. It's the one thing in life that I can be proud of myself about - well, that and my knowledge of Autobots and Decepticons. Despite my failures in this petty game called "golf", I stand by a quote from the movie, Tin Cup:

"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."

Well, as evidenced by my love life, I'm sure as hell not good at knockin' da' boots. As evidenced by this running diary, I'm sure as hell not good at golf either. One would think with all of my "research" and practice that I'd be better at making love and playing golf. Apparently, practice doesn't make perfect.

On with this weekend's rounds..

Friday April 22, 2011:

Course: Westborough Country Club

Holes: 18

Par: 36

Attire: Jeans, track jacket

Other Participants: DADmau5

This is the first time that DADmau5 had golfed in a little over a year. He hates the game. Him and I really prove that the Hockey-Golf Pythagorean Theorem is a farce. According to most people, if you play hockey, then you're also good at golf. DADmau5 played junior hockey back in the day. Hockey was his thing. However, his hockey skills fail to translate to the golf course. He's pretty damn awful. He's actually worse than me. Even worse, he has the attention span of a 12-year old Condition. Despite disorder, DADmau5 is not very skillful with the whacksticks.

My round started off so promising. I drilled the opening drive on the first teebox about 275 right down the middle of the fairway. It was easily the best shot of the young season for me. I was feeling good and proud that I was showcasing my ever-increasing golf talents to DADmau5. I then appropriately lined my 2nd shot off a tree and the ball caromed into the 9th fairway. Well, this round went to shit pretty quickly.

1st Hole - Bogey
2nd Hole - Bogey

I hate the 3rd hole at WCC. It eats up all my balls and I have NEVER landed in the fairway off my drive. I'm forever playing up the right side. This hole is a bitch. It's hilly. It's long. It flat out sucks. My first tee shot sliced into the woods. My second tee shot sliced into the woods. Well, this is fun when you are hitting 5 off the damn tee box. I'm done going into details with this hole. It hurts too much.

3rd Hole - 6 over par. (Yep, I shot an 11).

It was soon thereafter that DADmau5 and I lost focus on the round. It was 6 PM. I was hungry and cold. Even more so, I was sober. No beer in my bag. No tobacco. No nothing. From this experience, that I can tell you that not only is sober golf boring, but it also makes me worse. Just a single Bud Light would have taken the edge off golf.

As we approached the 5th hole, DADmau5's attention was shot. He wanted nothing to do with golf. His tee shot flew right into the woods. Rather than drop, he decided to venture into the woods to find his ball. I proceeded to bogey the hole and had ZERO idea where DADmau5 was. A minute later, I see DADmau5 emerge from the woods with an armful of golf balls. Having lost 4 balls on the first 4 holes, DADmau5 was proud that he was now +6 in golf balls having just found 10 in the woods. He could go home happy now.

At this point in time, the round was over. I shot a 40 through 6 holes and then we quit. WOOF. Get 'em next time!

Front 6: 40 strokes

Place: Yeah, we didn't keep track

Lost Balls:2

Food: N/A

Drink: N/A

Tobacco: N/A

Cart: N/A

Sunday April 24, 2011:

Course: Westborough Country Club

Holes: 9

Par: 36

Attire: Mint Polo, black shorts, plaid hat

Other Participants: The Sandman

The night before was a bit hazy. We watched the Bs game over at Lee Thargy's house with about 40 other people, including the one and only Super Mario (Westboro's finest plumber). Last weekend Lee Thargy and Super Mario commented on how they wanted to get into golf this summer. So, being the nice guy that I am, I called them the next morning to go hit the links. No answer. Once again on this night, they said how they wanted to go out the next morning. Yeah, that wasn't happening. I'm pretty sure I'll never see Lee Thargy or Super Mario on the course this summer. The day I do, I'll buy them a Sam Summah in the clubhouse after our round. The only way you'll find Lee Thargy on the golf course this year is if Eric Church was out there. Lee Thargy would have his nose so far up EC's ass that EC and Lee Thargy would truly define the term "putting from the rough".

This was a round for the ages. It was competitive, but fun. No frustrations out there on this day. The Sandman and I were out there just to have a good time on Easter Sunday. Surprisingly, the course was empty. We took our time, shot the shit. It was a nice little Sunday man date.

The Sandman teed off on Hole 1 and sliced his drive into the 9th fairway. For those of you who haven't had the opportunity to play with The Sandman, this is nothing out of the ordinary. When you golf with The Sandman, you can fully expect to not see him for the first 20 minutes of the round as he plays up the 9th fairway, while mostly everyone else is sitting in the fairway. My first drive was lined straight up the middle again.

At this point in time, granted, it's early in the season, I have been hitting my Ping G2 driver pretty damn well (Shout out to Shock & Spock for supplying it). I am not sure what I am doing right, so why don't you readers be the judge:

Sure as hell looks pretty to me. And let's talk about how awesome that shirt is. It's quickly becoming my go-to as summer looms. (Note to self: expand your wardrobe.)

This started as the round of my life.

1st Hole - Par
2nd Hole - Par
3rd Hole - Bogey

Yes, that 3rd Hole that treated me to an 11 two days before, managed to give me a measly 6 on this day. Things were clicking not only for me, but also The Sandman. The kid landed a 20 foot put on the 2nd Hole. I actually recorded the putt and believe it or not, this took only one shot to successfully record:

Through 3 holes, I was at 1 over par, while The Sandman sat at 4 over.

I hit a bit of a rough patch on the 4th hole and shot a 7.

Hole 4 - Triple bogey
Hole 5 - Double bogey
Hole 6 - Double bogey

WOOF. Three shit holes. Meanwhile, The Sandman had made up 2 strokes on me. I went from 1 over to 8 over pretty damn quickly. And just like that, my Quest for 99 was shot (or was it?!)

Upon teeing off on Hole 7, I commented how we hadn't cracked a beer or popped in some Snuss yet. I lectured The Sandman on how golfing with a little bit of a buzz took the stress off and increased my performance. Like the cool Joe Camel he is, he threw a Snuss tin over to me and I popped one in. You'll never guess what happened next. Kid was on FIRE to close the round. Sitting at 43 strokes through 8, I realized that I would once again have an opportunity to break 50. My palms began to sweat and I began to twitch. Damn this Snuss really was getting to me. I teed off on Hole 9:

That drive right there was straight down the fairway. Holy shit, am I awesome or what!?!? A bogey on the final hole netted me the Golden 49. The Sandman finished with a 53. At this point in time, I may have to up my goals to playing bogey golf as opposed to just breaking 50. Our man date continued at DQ where we treated ourselves to Blizzards. DQ + Golf + 70 degrees = Summer time. Unfortunately, we realized that after a nice 10-year run, we no longer have any connections to discounted DQ ice cream. Holy shit, are we getting old....

Front 9: 49 strokes

Total: 49 – only 13 over par.

Place: 1st of 2

Lost Balls: 1

Food: N/A

Drink: N/A

Tobacco: Camel Snuss (frost flavor)

Cart: N/A

Until next time......I'm just trying to get good on the golf course and in the bedroom like my main man, Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy.

2011 NFL Draft Preview

Ok people, time to get things straight around here. Everyone, myself included, loves Sexy Boston Sports - and XMark and Odo are great writers – but honestly, how much can you read about baseball or Odo’s golfing failures? We all know there is only one sport that you truly care about. As a matter of fact, news about how they might NOT even play football this year is still more exciting than your average Sox game. More importantly, there is one team within football that encompasses all that is good in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I love the C’s, B’s and Sox; but football had me at hello – so I’m here to talk about the Pats.

I emailed XMark about two weeks ago to ask for this lucrative position, and he was nice enough to oblige – but I had no idea where to begin. My plan was to put together a piece on “The Brady 6” documentary; which by the way is required reading if you wish to join the list of my adoring readers; but I got busy. Plus, I’ll be doing plenty of fawning over The GOAT (that’s Greatest Of All Time for you rookies) in this space once football returns so I’ll spare you. For now.

Seeing how the draft is about a week away, I figured I should start my writing career by trying to do the impossible – predict who Bill Belichick will draft. I’m not going to do a mock draft; you have asshats like Mel Kiper Jr. for that. The plan is to give you a roadmap of what to expect so I don’t get 20 livid phone calls when the Pats draft another “Gunner” (that’s what everyone was labeling McCourty after he was picked last year if you weren’t aware). I’m going to start here by reviewing each position and determine the need/likelihood of drafting a player from that position. Throughout next week (for some reason I don’t see myself caring enough to do a post over the weekend), I’ll put together some possible targets for each position, and when I think the mastermind will be picking one. So here we go:

Offense:

QB: With the best QB ever signed through 2014 and a serviceable back-up in Brian Hoyer, there is no real reason for the Pats to draft a QB other than to challenge Hoyer.

Need- None

RB: There has been a lot of talk about the Pat’s picking a RB with one of their first 3 picks (specifically Mark Ingram), but I don’t buy it. Belichick has traditionally favored backs like Antwain Smith, Corey Dillion, Fred Taylor, etc.. Also, the success of Benny/Woodhead has shown that the team doesn’t need a big name (read: expensive) back to have an effective run game. As a matter of fact, they ranked 9th in the league last year (12^th in ’098^th in ’08) while relying on the aforementioned undrafted duo. & Belichick has only drafted 6 RB’s in his 11 years with the team. I think the team will address the position via free agency, with a possible mid-to-late round selection in the draft.

Need- Moderate

WR: One of the harder positions to project, as there is plenty of depth, but the top options (Branch & Welker) are aging and only signed through next year. The team clearly needs to groom replacements, but drafting WR’s has not been Belichick’s strong suit. Taylor Price has me excited and Brandon Tate has shown flashes of talent, but how does the team project them? Another option to keep in mind considering we have about 200 picks in this draft – Belichick has never been shy about pulling off Draft day trades (Randy/Wes) for proven veterans at WR.

Need- Low to Moderate

TE: After hitting big with FA signing Algernon Darius Crumpler as well as draft picks Gronk and Hernandez last year, they won’t be drafting a TE.

Need- None

OT: How early they pick one will depend on if they resign Matt Light, but at least one will be drafted. It also depends on if the team views Sea-bass Vollmer as a future LT or if they see him more fit for his current role on the right side.

Need- Moderate to High

OG/C: The interior offensive line is the biggest area of need in my opinion. The always underrated Stephen Neal retired. Mankins is franchised again, but is very unlikely to be back with the team. Center Dan Koppen is aging and FA after 2012. Dan Connolly was a pleasant surprise last year, and while he may have him beat as a kick returner, he is not the beast that Mankins is. Look for one G early, a C middle rounds and another G late.

Need- Very High

Defense:

DL: Big Daddy Vince is the absolute man in the middle. I should write a whole article on how important he was last year. There are some question marks after him though. Will Ty Warren be the player he once was after last year’s hip surgery? Will their best interior rusher, Mike Wright, ever return from his concussion? How many roster spots will be available with so many young prospects (Brace/Pryor/Love/Deaderick)? There is still there need for a big-bodied RDE to fill Seymour’s vacancy – I see one DE picked early and not much other than that.

Need- Low to Moderate

ILB: This position is pretty well set – Mayo is one of the best in the league; Spikes is an HGH-fueled run stuffing machine; Gary “fastest linebacker at the combine” Guyton (copyright: The Ham) is replaceable, but good enough in pass coverage; and the immortal Dane Fletcher is a solid backup/special teamer.

Need- None

OLB: This is the area that all of the analysts are calling for, and it’s hard to disagree with them. Jermaine Cunningham was impressive last year when healthy. Bob Ninkovich aka Mike Vrabel 2.0 is almost as solid as his beard, but there is room for an upgrade. Tully Banta-Cain and his one ineffective pass rush move (the $4.5 million bull-rush) need to be cut. Eric “New Guy” (copyright: Landies & Chappy) Moore did nothing but make plays in his short time with the team last year, but can he keep it up in Year 2? This is a huge need, and I’ll go into much more detail what to look for next week.

Need- Very High

CB: McCourty and Bodden make for the best 1-2 combo at corner the Pats have had in many years. Kyle Arrington played well for most of last year and is nice 3^rd option. Darius Butler played well for parts of last year and terribly for others. Being a fellow UConn alumn, I’m prone to cut him some slack; but you have to figure he’ll be under much scrutiny this year and fighting for a roster spot. Jonathan Wilhite is my whipping boy. Every year I manage to find a player that I hate, and blame them for anything & everything that goes wrong. Wilhite is that man. He always manages to be in good position against his receiver, but for some reason he just reallllllly loves to watch them catch passes. It drives me insane to watch. That coupled with his $1.5M salary next year leaves me hoping he will be cut. The only real problem at Corner is that Patrick Chung was forced to play a lot of slot corner last year –he did a good job, but he is our best safety and belongs there. This needs to be remedied, be it through a mid-round draft pick, or Bulter progressing into the player he has the skills to become.

Need- Low to Moderate

S: This is the position I think the Pats may surprise people with and select one earlier than expected. For what it’s worth, Patrick Chung has developed into one of my favorite players to watch. He’s a relentlessly hard worker, and flies around the field at all times. The other starting position has been a battle between James Sanders (fast forward to the 1:50 mark) & Brandon Merriweather. Merriweather enters the last year of his contract, and even though he somehow made the Pro Bowl last year (I have literally no idea how, he was only the 3^rd best safety on HIS OWN TEAM, not the whole AFC), is very unlikely to be re-signed. While I would hate to lose his comedic value, I would love to see the Pats trade Merriweather and draft a ball-hawking Free Safety to compliment Chung. It might not be the most likely scenario, but a girl can dream can’t she?

Need - Low to Moderate

To Recap:

- Football is better than every other sport, and Sexy Boston Sports now has me to cover it

- Watch “The Brady 6”

- The most important positions for the Patriots to draft are – OLB, Guard, Offensive Tackle, DE

- It's now 5 pm on Friday, go get drunk

Love,

Landies

Perk Is A Beast

Click the link below to see an incredible story about how the 2 white guy founders of PerkIsABeast.com befriended the former Celtics center, hung out with him the night we won the championship, slept over at his house and attended his wedding. It's kinda long but I really really recommend reading it all. Yet another reason why we will always miss Perk. If the Celts don't win it this year I will be rooting hard for the T

How These Two White Guys Ended Up in This Kendrick Perkins Family Photo

My lefty brethren versus my favorite team

Before the season, the only problem the Red Sox were expected to face (talk about hindsight being 20/20) was the fact that their ideal lineup was lefty heavy. What this really means is that 4 of the 5 lefties expected to be in the everyday lineup (Jacoby Ellsbury actually hits lefties better than righties for some reason) have pretty large platoon splits over their careers. Through the first 17 games of the season, the Red Sox have faced a whopping 9 lefty starters including some of the leauge’s best in CC Sabathia, David Price, C.J. Wilson and Brett Anderson and 5 of their last 6 matchups. The Red Sox sit at 6-11 so all the people who said the team was too lefty heavy have been vindicated right?

Not so fast. According to Baseball-Reference, against left-handed starters this year the Red Sox are batting .241/.335/.400 while against right-handed starters they are hitting .236/.326/.363. If they are so lefty heavy in the lineup, how is this possible?

Well, there are 3 great reasons. While our righties have a .832 OPS against left-handed pitching so far, we owe it all to Dustin Pedroia (.969 OPS against lefties), Kevin Youkilis (1.232), and Jed Lowrie (1.400) hitting lefties like Albert Pujols on steroids. I do not expect Youk and Lowrie to keep this up all year, but I also expect some of our right handed depth to improve as the season goes on. Mike Cameron, Marco Scutaro and Darnell McDonald should all be able to serve as viable platoon partners to our all left outfield and our lefty DH. If Francona were so inclined, he could easily fill out a lineup card with only Adrian Gonzalez and one of the lefty outfielders (preferably the reverse platoon split Ellsbury) to face some of the tougher lefties in the middle of the season.

The real problem with the Red Sox offense this year has been the ineffectiveness of our lefty mashers against right handed pitching. Another reason why people said the Sox were so lefty heavy this year is because our lefty hitters are all very famous for their really good hitting. Well that group has a .718 OPS against righties so far. In other words, they are hitting like a bunch of Marco Scutaros. The main culprits have been Carl “Dead Horse” Crawford (.342 OPS against righties; that’s OPS, not OBP), J.D. Drew (sporting a weird opposite platoon split with a .671 OPS against righties and a .978 OPS against lefties), and David Ortiz (same weird opposite platoon split with .724 OPS against righties and 1.027 against lefties). I don’t expect Drew and Ortiz to all of a sudden be completely different players and have lefties stop fooling them on sliders and forcing them to roll over grounders on outside fastballs, but I do expect them to get back to destroying right-handers. “Dead Horse” Crawford, as you can see by his new nick name, has been discussed at length. There is just no way he is this bad, I promise.

The lefties will start crushing the right-handers soon enough and this offense can go back to being the behemoth it was expected to be. What we now see is that despite opposing managers seemingly throwing every able bodied left-hander at this team, the Red Sox are in good position to handle it given the right line up construction. With right-handed bats Pedroia, Youkilis and Lowrie, the team has the type of top of the order balance necessary to face pitchers of all handedness.

The feeling you get when you beat a crippled child at basketball

That was an exciting game with a couple amazing performances, but make no mistake, the team as a whole was bad. I’m going to borrow from a 1966 Clint Eastwood movie, “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”, with something I am going to call, “The Great, The Good, The Bad, and The So Terrible I Considered Cutting My Eyes Out and Cryogenically Freezing Them Until This Iteration of The Celtics Is Over With So I Never Have to See this Type of Play Again”. So it’s not that catchy of a title but I think it perfectly captures last night’s Game 2.

The Great

Rajon Rondo: 14 points in the first quarter and 30 overall. Constantly out ahead of the pack or forcing the issue against some indifferent defenders. Some great switches onto Carmelo in the second half. I think my favorite part of the night though was a series in the fourth quarter with the Celtics down 2 and 7 and a half minutes left. At this point the team had scored just 2 points in the quarter and the Knicks had climbed back from an 11 point deficit late in the third. So what does Rondo, a guy who usually vanishes in the fourth because he fears getting fouled and having to make free throws, do? Driving layup, driving layup, post-up layup that would give Kevin McHale a chubby. Just an incredible night from the undisputed best player on the team. As long as he stays focused, this team has a shot to win every night.

Carmelo Anthony: A lot of people have been hard on Melo this season. He handled his situation in Denver with the finesse of an old man trying to send soup back at a deli and then when the Knicks gutted their depth to get him on the roster they actually started to play worse while his old team played better. He also came under the ire of the statistical community, who said his ball hog nature and lack of defense make him something less than an elite player. But one thing I don’t think anybody questioned was his ability to score. The Sports Guy loves to compare Melo to Bernard King, especially with his move to New York, and this game is exactly what he means when he says this. Melo is probably the greatest scorer in basketball right now (with apologies to Rose, Durant and Kobe). He’s a cross between a young Paul Pierce and an old Michael Jordan. There were 3 shots last night that you just don’t see other people make. The first was a play where he was fouled shooting a 20 foot jumper by either Jeff Green or Big Baby (more on them later) and Tim Duncaned the ball home off the glass. The second was off a tipped offensive rebound (more on this later as well) that he gathered under the hoop, then exploded into Jermaine O’Neal for the And 1. The last one was what looked like a desperation 3 with the shot clock winding down in the fourth with Pierce’s hand in his face that swished through effortlessly. And oh ya, he also had 17 rebounds and 6 assists to go with his 42 points. He took a team without 2 of its 3 best players and really no other above average players and almost single handedly beat a team that is supposed to be a championship contender. If he pulled it off this goes down as one of the greatest playoff performances ever. Still might be.

The Good

The Big 3: KG had another well rounded game and had the game winning offensive and defensive plays. Pierce had a strong second half scoring the ball, successfully doing his hero thing in the third to extend the Celts to a double digit lead. Ray hit three huge 3-pointers in the third and played solid all around. With Rondo putting on the Bat Man cape for the night, the Big 3 did just enough to support his efforts. I would feel a little more comfortable with our chances to win this year if we could get 2 of these four playing excellent games on any given night. The biggest drawback from this group last night was the lack of big rebounds like they had in game one.

The Knicks bench: Already down Chauncey Billups, the Knicks lost Amare Stoudemire in the second quarter leaving Melo and a cast of scrubs. Well for one night, that cast of scrubs did all they could to stay out of Melo’s way and provide just enough support to almost steal one. Of note was Jared Jeffries, a 240 pound small forward masquerading as a center on this team. While KG absolutely destroyed him on both ends in the last 20 seconds, Jeffries was finding empty spots when the Celtics were double teaming Melo, pulling down some clutch rebounds and blocking a couple shots. This may have actually been a good strategy by the Knicks. Play a bunch of shitty guys so the Celtics think they are playing against Sacramento in February and they won’t try hard. Very sneaky Mike D’Antoni.

The Bad

Jermaine O’Neal and Delonte West: Two guys that are going to be key role players in the push for 18, had not so good nights. After a throwback performance in Game 1, Jermaine seemed a step slow on his rotations and timid on the boards (although he ended up with a plus 10). Delonte was just a total non-entity last night. When he comes into the game with Rondo at the point he really looks like he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t think either really contributed to how poorly the team played on the night, but I would like to see a lot more out of these guys.

The So Terrible I Considered Cutting My Eyes Out and Cryogenically Freezing Them Until This Iteration of The Celtics Is Over With So I Never Have to See this Type of Play Again

The Rebounding: Look, when you run out a power forward at center and a small forward out at power forward for large chunks of a game, you aren’t going to be a good rebounding team. I get that. I also understand that Doc prefers to have the guys get back on defense rather than trying to get offensive rebounds. But it legitimately seems like they do not know how to rebound. When a shot goes up, you find your man, stick your ass into his gut (no homo) push him backwards, and explode towards the ball. When a shot goes up against the Celtics, they slowly turn their bodies to follow the flight of the shot, move underneath the hoop, bunch together, either jump right as the ball hits the rim (way too early) or not at all, and then turn around because they have to now return to defense because they’ve given up another offensive rebound. There is no better team in the league than the Celtics at forcing bad shots and causing teams to shoot for a low percentage. Last night the Knicks shot 35% from the field and lost by 3! This is absolutely mind blowing. I legitimately think we could send my freshman basketball team out there and do a better job rebounding than the Celtics and our starting center was 5’10’’.

Jeff Green: What would ya say…ya do here? Please tell me because I would like to know. We know you can’t rebound because nobody on this team can rebound except our 6’1’’ point guard. Supposedly you are athletic but you got blocked 2 or 3 times around the hoop last night. Tommy Heinsohn repeated several times last night that you are a “scorer” but you shot 2-8 from the field and missed layups. 5 fouls in 12 minutes. Worst yet, we traded away the only guy on our team who loved to rebound for you. I am so against Jeff Green right now I would rather see Von Wafer get some run. God help us all if Danny signs this guy to a long term deal to try to salvage that getting worse by the day trade.

Glen Davis: Speaking of guys who could push me towards religion if he is signed long term, Big Baby was atrocious last night. It may not have looked that way as he wasn’t doing typical Bonehead Big Baby stuff like shooting 20 foot jumpers, but I promise you he was terrible. The rebounding scenario I described above starred Big Baby every single time. His rotations were terrible. His lack of shooting long jumpers has actually turned him into a completely useless offensive player because now he just catches the ball 20 feet from the basket and holds it and looks around like he has no clue what to do. And his “defense” on Jared Jeffries for what could have been the game winning shot was the exact opposite of what a person who has played basketball his whole life would do. He was behind Jeffries! I know he was sort of trying to hedge on Toney Douglas coming behind, but he was behind him! He left a terrible offensive player a clear path to the basket and then barely tried to chase him down! Not only that, but this is supposed to be our 6^th man. The first reserve of the bench, basically the captain of the bench. In the two extended stretches that the Celtics had mostly bench players in tonight, they gave up a lead of 10 points in the first and 11 points at the end of the third. You want to be our 6^th man Glen, that is on you.

All that said, a win is a win. We are fortunate to be up 2-0 to a clearly inferior team. Maybe the team is trying to keep some things close to the vest before we have to play Miami. Whatever it is, they better figure out how to rebound and the bench better remember how to play basketball before the next round. Not a fun game, but I will take the win.

Week 2 observations

• A 3 game winning streak! And it easily could have been 5 with some more timely hitting last Tuesday and a better bullpen performance Thursday. But let’s enjoy what should be the first of many winning streaks this season. 5-10 is still not a good record and nothing near what we would have expected from this team opening the season, but it’s no longer worst in the league; Seattle and their banjo hitting (does anyone know how this saying started?) offense get that distinction (poor King Felix and Prince Pineda). It would be great to point to this streak as that which turned the season around and reminded this rag tag group of insanely rich people that they should be the best team in the league. There are a lot of people to give credit to but we will start with…
• Me. Ok, maybe we should credit Jed Lowrie here, but I have to pat myself on the back for getting one right because typically my predictions are pretty terrible (Brandon Belt, my NL ROY pick is about to be sent back to the minors). To refresh, last Wednesday, I suggested that if the Red Sox made the simple switch of playing Lowrie over Marco Scutaro, they would instantly see an improved and more balanced offense. In the four games since (3 starts, 1 pinch hit appearance), Lowrie has done his best Nomar impression (big nose and all) and has gone 9-15 with 2 HR and 8 RBI while the Sox have won all 3 of his starts. He now has a .516 average through his first 31 at bats and appears to have picked up right where he left off last year. Great job Jed and an even better job me. Now we just need Jed to share a little bit of that magic with….
• Carl Crawford. He appears to be completely lost at this point and even his all world defense is being affected by his slump at the plate. He has fewer hits this season than Lowrie has had in his last 4 games. His strikeout percentage is equal to his on base percentage. Last week I dug deep to figure out what may be wrong with him from a strictly performance level, but this may be an old fashioned mentally driven slump. As a guy who has played in the post season twice, including a World Series, and countless series against the Red Sox and Yankees, I would not think that the market size would be a factor, so more likely it could be the pressures that come with a shiny new huge contract. I’m reminded of Edgar Renteria’s Boston debut in 2005 when he hit .228/.283/.359 for the month of April and was hammered with boos. We need to remember that Crawford is a legit great player. While he won’t put up eye popping numbers with the bat, especially in the power department, his combination of good hitting, great base running and incredible fielding forms a phenomenal all around player. If we give him time, Crawford is sure to rebound just like…
• Daisuke Matsuzakkka. Can we even call his Patriot’s Day performance a rebound? Don’t you have to have done something good in the past, fallen off and then return to that goodness in order to RE-bound? I think he just bounded. Whatever it is, yesterday was a great performance from the Big Mistake in Little Japan. 89 pitches through 7 innings is Maddux-esque. While he didn’t exactly look dominant (he seemed to be missing Tek’s targets a lot), he was mixing his pitches really well, throwing a lot of them in the zone and inducing weak contact. For one day at least, Dice-K saved his job. If I were him, I would send a huge bouquet of flowers to…
• The Toronto Blue Jays. Color me unimpressed. This is a team that was supposed to contend for a Wild Card this year. They were supposed to be a team with a strong offense and a good young pitching staff that could withstand the its second ace in two seasons being traded. I see a very mediocre staff without an ace to fill in for Shaun Marcum. I see an offense that scored the 6^th most runs in the AL last year despite having the 12^th best OBP, which means that the baseball gods will not allow so many runs to score for this team this year without an improvement in not making outs. I see a team who got 2 hugely flukey seasons last year (John Buck and Jose Bautista) and is not likely to see a repeat from the hold over (Bautista) and a matching from the catching replacements (rookie J.P. Arencibia and Molina Model 6378). I see a team that was extremely lucky to get out from under the vicious Vernon Wells contract, but that failed to replace his still solid production. I see a team that is still waiting on two former prospects (Adam Lind and Travis Snider) to break out and form the offensive core for this team. With a young GM who made some great long term moves this off season, I think a lot of people were expecting this team to be an out of nowhere contender. It seems like those people were wrong and the actual out of nowhere contender is actually…
• The Cleveland Indians. Cleveland is 12-4. They have the second best run differential in baseball (to Texas). They are getting what could be a sustainable rebound (because he actually used to play great) season from Travis Hafner, who finally appears to be healthy for the first time in years. They are getting strong production at the top of the order from youngsters Asdrubal Cabrera and Michael Brantley, who also play strong defense. They have hand shake master Orlando Cabrera sprinkling his left over fairy dust from the 2004 Red Sox season all over his teammates. Grady Sizemore made his triumphant return this weekend, playing in his first game since last May, and stroked a Home Run in his second at bat simultaneously sending a tremor down the pants of Cleveland’s female fan base. Hell, even Drew Carey debuted a new improv show on the Game Show Network last week. Cleveland rocks indeed and at least they're not Detroit! Best of all, their two best hitters, Carlos Santana and Shin Soo Choo (or “that Asian guy” as my buddy called him), are off to terrible starts. If the pitching can remain even average, this success could be for real in a weakened AL Central, especially if bad things keep happening to…
• The Minnesota Twins. Joe Mauer (one of the best players in baseball despite what Odo says) was just placed on the DL with a mysterious ailment that is causing both of his legs to be constantly fatigued. Joe Nathan has been disastrous in his return from Tommy John surgery. Francisco Liriano is all kinds of screwed up in the early going as he supposedly tries to pitch to contact more (because why would you want your pitcher to strike out 9.4 per 9 while only walking 2.7 per 9?). My dad’s buddy Tsuyoshi Nishioka is out with a broken leg leaving an already weak middle infield weaker. Jim Thome has finally showered off all that Fountain of Youth juice that he was covered in last year. Delmon Young is remembering that he is now and always will be a bust. The Twins certainly seemed like contenders at the beginning of this season with the Tigers and White Sox, but with their budget maxed out they needed the current collection of talent to hold up and produce over the full season and it appears like that won’t happen. This season was extra important for this team because as soon as next year they are going to start having to worry about…
• The Kansas City Royals. Along with Cleveland, the Royals are surprising everyone in the AL Central; at 10-6 they sit in second behind the upstart Indians in the division. This is a team I am a lot more dubious about than Cleveland though. Currently they are riding the hot starts of a couple former golden boys in addition to the one really good player in their everyday lineup. Alex Gordon and Jeff Francouer have posted an .895 and .883 OPS, respectively to this point.  Both are hitting with power and they each have even taken a couple walks! Unfortunately, Gordon’s strikeouts are still an issue and Francouer’s specialty is starting out hot with a new team leading to renewed promise only to have that promise crushed like a pack of Tic Tacs in C.C. Sabathia’s back pocket (seriously, look at Francouer’s starts with his new teams, it’s like he has some innate ability to do this). Billy Butler is playing great and channeling Edgar Martinez and I expect him to at least maintain some of his hot start. Where this team is truly torpedoed is in their rotation, which is why they will ultimately fail this year. As it was last year, this year their best pitcher is Bruce Chen. Ouch. Maybe the Red Sox can steal one of the Royals’ prized pitching prospects with the promise of improving their rotation by trading them…
• John Lackey. Lackey hasn’t pitched since my last observations, which I’m sure is in no way related to why I have good things to say about the Sox this week. Francona decided to skip his start this week with the rainout and off day and kept the other three starters minus Dice K on their regular turns. I loved this move. I don’t know what the hell is going on with Lackey, but giving him this extra time to get some work in with the new pitching coach has to be a good thing. In addition, in the time since we skipped his start, we haven’t had a bad start, which I think is really helping the psyche of this team. I don’t think we will ever see a return to the quasi-ace that Lackey was last decade, but if we could just get him to be what he was last year we should be all set. Last year he was an average starter who could usually keep the team in games, especially down the stretch. While I was never bullish on this bull dog of a man, I at least thought he could be an average starter with a good defense behind him. Fortunately for Lackey and all the Nation, our defense and offense will be anchored for the next 8 years by none other than…
• Adrian Gonzalez. Finally agreeing to his monster extension (wink, wink), Gonzalez assumes his role as the make up call to the Mark Teixeira situation two years ago. While his bat hasn’t been the Green Monster’s worst enemy like we expected yet, watching him play is just an absolute joy. He has a beautiful, compact swing that really will bruise the monster with ease. His defense has been nothing short of incredible so far. One of the best parts about rooting for a large market team is the ability to get superstar players in their primes. While it may not be entirely fair to the San Diego-ites, San Diego-uns, San Diegones, I feel very lucky to be able to watch Gonzo for the next 8 years. He is a super duper star and having him in the middle of our lineup places us in immediate contention every year. Even this year.
• Small ball: Last week before the Rays series I wrote “Sam Fuld (who?)”. I knew who he was before I said that, but didn’t think much of him. So I looked into his minor league career and even though he was always old for his league, he posted a .372 career on base percentage. He’s not going to be a .400 hitter the rest of the year, but clearly this man knows how to get on base. Another win for Andrew Friedman and the Rays…Troy Tulowitzki may have super powers. 7 HR from the shortstop position in 16 games? He’s the MVP of the NL, MLB, the USA and all the world right now…Dan Haren and Jered Weaver are single handedly keeping the Angels alive. I’m trying my best to think of a Spahn and Sain rhyme for them but coming up empty. Weaver and Haren then our rotation is barren? I’m open to suggestions…The Phillies have no such issues. While Hamels and Lee have had only average results so far, each is striking out over a guy per inning and the Roys have been lights out. They’ll need all 4 to be absolutely dominant all season because that bullpen and offense are suspect. But damn it must suck to have to face 3 of those guys in a series…Brad Emaus is about to be designated for assignment. For those who don’t know who he is, he was a Rule 5 pick of the Mets this year and opened the season as their starting second baseman. He is also a guy I gave an Honorable Mention to for Rookie of the Year in my NL Preview. Another reason why I felt the need to congratulate myself for Jed Lowrie…Josh Beckkkkkkkkkett with another great start. This turn around could be real…Finally, in honor of Dice-K’s fun start, a quote from Willie Stargell that X Dad used to love to say: “When they start the game, they don’t yell, ‘Work Ball!’ They say, ‘Play Ball!’” Amen.

Odo's Trials and Tribulations in Getting Good at Golf Part II

Second chapter of a series

As you know, I am documenting my plight to get good at golf.  I can confidently tell you that this weekend's rounds were a LOT more interesting than last weekend's.  I didn't get any better, so I've decided that I am truly golfing for the purpose of writing about it.

Listen, I suck at this sport.  I can't deny it.  I suck at every sport in fact.  I've accumulated 5 trophies in my life and all of them are those queer participatory ones.  Hey!  Here's a trophy just for playing.  I was cut from the middle school basketball team.  I was cut from the varsity baseball team for three years.  In my senior year, I was offered a bench sport and my coach said at the year-end banquet that I would "make a great coach someday."  Thanks Coach!  Why don't you just tell me I have no skills at all? 

Ok, on with the golf highlights from this past weekend...

Saturday April 16, 2011:

Course:  Juniper Hills - Riverside Course

Holes:  18

Par:  71 (35 on the front 9, 36 on the back)

Attire:  Black khakis, black thermal, white polo, black asshole hat

Other Participants:  The Sandman, MikeyMo, Super Alby

We teed off at approximately 8:27 AM.  It was f*ckin' cold out and we were the only jackasses on that course that early.  MikeyMo legitimately fell asleep while teeing off.  The Sandman was a bit hungover.  I was two Gordon Vodka nips deep.  Super Alby was dead serious.  We looked like a bunch of no-talent ass clowns:

We were all in good spirits before the round actually started.  Upon everyone teeing off and hoping on our Mario Karts to find our balls (mine was sitting pretty in the fairway), I shot some video footage of everyone's second shots.  Mind you, this video was recorded no more than two minutes later than the first:

With The Sandman coppin' that kinda 'tude with me two minutes into our round, I put the camera away in hopes that he didn't Dennis Rodman my ass and kick me.  Needless to say The Sandman did not have a pretty round on this day.  In fact, he gave true meaning to his nickname as the kid spent more time in the bunkers than I do perusing the Internet for Russian mail order brides.

Now, I was nervous as all hell because I failed to hit up the driving range on April 16th eve.  I was stiff.  I didn't like how my swing felt.  I was in for a long day.

It was a decent front 9 for me this time out.  The drives were straight.  The chips were pretty.  The putts were gorgeous.  I was in the zone.  Maybe Gordon's Vodka is the key to getting good at golf.  It was a typical Odo round of golf.  Par one hole, triple bogey the next, double bogey the next one.  It's not pretty, but that's why I dress as well as I do.  To cover up for the fact that I SUCK.

Best 9 holes of my career just happened.  Kid shoots a 50.  Who the f*ck needs golf lessons?  I'll teach myself.  I was just getting warmed up baby.  If I can shoot a 50 on the front, I should be more than adequate to break 50 on the back.  The Quest for 99 was well on its way.  Today was the day....

I was feeling good going into the turn.  The Gordon's Vodka wore off a bit, so we stopped at the clubhouse for a beer.  It went down smooth.  Less filling and tasted great.

Hole 10 - Bogey
Hole 11 - 4 over par
Hole 12 - 4 over par

Well this round quickly went to shit.  I finished the back 9 with a 56.  The Quest for 99 would have to continue another day.  However, there was one positive takeaway from the day:

Yep.  Despite my shit score, I played all 18 with only one ball.  THIS is how a successful golfer should be measured.  I decided on this day that I'd rather shoot a 109 and not lose a single ball than shoot a 97 and lose three balls.  I'll triple putt all I f*ckin' want as long as I don't lose any balls.  YAHTZEE.

Another key takeaway from this day was MikeyMo doing his best Happy Gilmore impression.  He absolutely LAUNCHED his pitching wedge onto a nearby train track.  This wedge launching occurred on the 16th hole and was pretty freakin' hysterical.  You had to be there for it.  Evenmore so, The Sandman put his clubs on Craiglist for a short period of time.  He retired from the game for good.

Front 9:  50 strokes

Back 9:  59 strokes

Total:  109 – only 38 over par.....I see some improvement!

Place: 3rd of 4 (The Sandman stopped counting strokes on the 7th hole)

Lost Balls: 0

Food:  Granola bar on Hole 8

Drink:  Gordon's Vodka nip (2), Coors Light draft (1)

Tobacco: N/A

Cart:  Yes

Rate:  $55 (including cart)

$/stroke:  $0.51 – this is getting expensive

Sunday April 17, 2011:

Course:  Westborough Country Club

Holes:  9

Par:  36

Attire:  Sunday Red polo, black pants, Freddie Couples visor

Other Participants:  MikeyMo, The Sandman, The Condition

Yes, you read that right.  The Sandman came out of his brief retirement.  The Sandman is like the Michael Jordan of golf.  I quit.  I'll play.  I quit.  I'll play.  He didn't get any good bids on his clubs, so he decided to play with us, but reminded us that he would retire again if necessary.

I wasn't feeling golf on this day.  For the sake of this blog, I hit the course anyway.  Rather than hit the range beforehand, The Sandman, The Condition, and I decided to down a few Sam Summers and warm-up via Tiger Woods on PS3.  My thumbs were on fire.  I was ready to play.  We pulled up to the course around 3:15 giving us a solid 10 minutes before our tee time.  MikeyMo was already on the practice green chipping and putting.  Apparently, he and his wedge made up and they were smushing each other again.

The Condition started today's festivities with a 275 foot drive just off the fringe of the fairway to which he said "I guess I'll take it".  F*ck you, Condition!  My ball's 150 yards from the tee box on the 9th fairway.  We were one stroke in and The Condition was already getting on my nerves.  I played the first hole via the 9th fairway the whole time.  While lying 4, I whipped out the ole 7-iron from about 150 yards out.  The Condition was a bit to my right 100 yards up.  Payback time was now:

 Pay no attention to the back hair or plumber crack.  Please turn your attention to the red circle.  That's a welt, ladies and gentlemen.  I lined my 7-iron right at The Condition and gave him a permanent tramp stamp in the process.  Did I yell "four" like golf protocol calls for?  F*ck no.  I wanted to hurt him.  Thanks to my "patience" and "determination", I was able to line a ball off The Conditions back yet still land it on the fringe of the green.  That's talent, baby!!  The Condition's back saved me with a opening hole 7.

1st Hole - 7

2nd Hole - 5

3rd Hole - 8

4th Hole - 4 (PAR!!)

Things were looking ugly.  24 strokes through 4 holes.  WOOF.  Today was not my day.  And then, the tides turned.

5th Hole - 5

6th Hole - 5

7th Hole - 4

Holy crap.  The unthinkable could happen.  Odo could break 50.  

8th Hole - 5

I was sitting at a 43 heading into the 9th hole.  I could shoot a 6 and still break 50.  I hit my drive off the 9th tee box about 175 yards on the fringe of the fairway.  So far so good.  I then broke out my trusty 3-wood.  My 3-wood and I have not been getting a long this season.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and swung.  The prettiest shot of my short golfing career.  200 yards about 10 feet off the green.  I was sitting at 45 strokes as I walked down the fairway.

Chip on.  46.

Putt.  47.

Putt.  48.

Holy crap.  I was about to blow it.  I took a deep breath.  All eyes on me.....about to witness the biggest shot of my life.

I laid about 6 inches out.  1 inch too short, I don't quite make it.  1 inch too long, I don't quite make it.  The inches I needed were EVERYWHERE around me.  Deep breath, Odo.  Nice and easy.  Just tap it in.

Kerplunk.  Ball in hole.  I am the f*ckin' man at golf.  I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can hit it farther than f*ck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass... everyone.

 

 

Front 9:  49 strokes

Total:  49 – only 13 over par!

Place:  3rd of 4

Lost Balls: 0

Food:  Granola Bar (1), Sunflower seeds (handfuls -2)

Drink:  None (WTF!?)

Tobacco: Camel Snuss (frost flavor)

Cart:  None

Rate:  $18

$/stroke:  $0.37

Until next time.....I'm still just trying to get good at golf.

Tony Allen Killed Our Hopes Of A Title...No, Really

The above video is a sneak preview of part 5 of the awesome season long documentary "The Association" on ESPN, which is their "Hard Knocks" knock off that this season followed my beloved Celtics through thick (Shaq, Big Baby) and thin (Rondo, KG). The video shows our All Star point guard, Rajon Rondo, sharing his thoughts on the "loss" of his best friend, Kendrick Perkins, and is the perfect segue into me finally sharing my thoughts on the now infamous Perkins trade.

I will get to the title of my post later, but first I want to address the deal on its own. It has been about 2 months since the trade went down and 26 games have been played with the new guys. In today's world, analysis of big moves like this are expected instantly, but in a trade like this where the whole team was completely remade on deadline day, I feel it is best to let it marinate like a fine piece of milk steak before you can truly assess the deal. Well, with the first season now complete and the second season about to start, that moist, delicious piece of milk steak is ready to come off the hot plate. So here we go...

This trade sucks. There is no other way to put it. I am done making excuses and rationalizations. After 3 and a half years of smart moves, Danny Ainge decided to go back to being "Trader Danny" (seriously, go back and look at all the trades he has made in his 8 years with the Celtics) and in one fell swoop, completely changed the identity of this team.

On February 23, we were the F U Bad Boys of Boston. The defending Eastern Conference champs. The team whose fully healthy starting 5 had never lost a playoff series. A middle of the road offense with an intimidating defense. We had 4 All Stars and a huge front line that went 5 deep. True, we were old and our 5 deep front line included 3 injury cases (the O'Neals and Perk). Our back court rotation was suspect due to the injuries of Delonte West and Marquis Daniels and the maddening inconsistencies of Nate Robinson and Von Wafer. The long term picture was a little cloudy as well, but at least the team appeared poised to deal with the new CBA as well as any other elite team in the league. But, as I like to say, flags fly forever and on February 23, we knew we were well positioned to smack down the prima donna Heat, teach the upstart Bulls a lesson in championship play and finish it off by showing the Lakers that we had not forgotten about last season.

On February 25 it was all different. Gone was our enforcer (Perk) and 5 foot 7 inches of pure swagger (Nate, who I am glad is gone, but he definitely appeared to provide something off the court for this team). Also removed were fan mascot and Brian Scalabrine replacement, Luke Harangody (you can't underestimate how much Boston loves a good white Irish guy for mop up time) and team mascot and energy guy Semih Erden (you can't underestimate how much I loved making boner jokes with Semih's first name).

In came Jeff Green, a 24 year old forward who is too weak to play power forward and is not assertive or efficient enough to play small forward, and Nenad Kristic, a soft jump shooting center who no longer shoots jump shots and has the worst come over since Homer Simpson (also brought in were waiver pickups Sasha Pavlovic, Troy Murphy and Carlos Arroyo, but they have been about as useful as an asshole right here (points to right elbow)). And just like that we were no longer intimidating. No longer had swagger. No longer had the promise that our starting 5 had never lost a 7 game series.

Best I can tell, this trade happened for 4 reasons, all of which appear to be for shit right now:

1) The Offense: The offense was definitely not a strong point of this Celtics team this year. Overall, they were a middling offensive team and especially had issues when they had to go to the bench. Too often, teams would go on 8-0 or 14-2 runs against the bench earlier in the year, because the bench became the Big Baby show and nobody else would even be able to get an open shot. The times when the offense would click would be at the beginning and end of games when we had our 4 All Stars and either Shaq or Big Baby. Perk coming back from his injury would certainly not help this issue (although it would push Shaq to more time with the bench unit which could have upped its offensive output) so Danny felt an upgrade was in order. Well, the upgrade back fired. Believe it or not, we are now a WORSE offensive team than we were before. Part of it is due to the starters playing worse over the last few weeks and Shaq (the real linchpin of the deal) playing only 5 minutes since the trade, but the other part is that Kristic and Green are not what they had been advertised as. Which brings me to my next reason...

2) The Versatility of Jeff Green: Green was supposed to be the second coming of James Posey. A guy who could spell Pierce and guard the other team's toughest wing player. A guy who could pair up with KG and play as a super long and athletic small ball front line. A guy who could float on the wing and nail down the corner 3 when defenses collapsed on the 4 All Stars. Unfortunately, I think Danny confused "Versatility" with a "Lack of a strong discernible skill". Seriously. Does Jeff Green have any elite skills? Bill Simmons has been pushing a theory for years that it is easier to succeed in the NBA with one truly elite skill (think Bruce Bowen's defense, Eddie House's shooting or James Posey's pre-game hugs) than with average skills in a lot of areas and I think this is the perfect explanation for Jeff Green. At just 24, I think Green is maxed out as a guy who will do a lot of things ok but nothing identifiable (to clarify, a guy like Paul Pierce doesn't have one elite skill that defines him either because he has so many elite skills. You don't have to be a specialist to be valuable, but if you don't have an overall elite profile like Pierce you better figure out one or two specific ways to make your mark).

3) The Future: Danny offered Perk the biggest extension he could under the rules of the cap (4 years, $22 mil) and, as everyone on both sides agreed, he rightfully declined the below market offer. So, did that mean we couldn't offer him a contract in the offseason? Not at all, and it could have been for significantly more than the in season offer. The real question is how much would we have been comfortable spending on him, and in 2 years would a core of Rondo, Perk and aging Pierce be enough to compete? I tend to think that it would not have and that it would have been best to let Perk go. IN THE OFF SEASON. But Trader Danny decided it would be good to get something for Perk that would improve our situation more long term. So he trades for Jeff Green and Nenad Kristic. Who will both be free agents this off season. Like Perk. Huh? How exactly does this address the future? Yes, the Celtics will have the right to match any offer that Jeff Green receives because he is a restricted free agent, but, again, would a core of Rondo, Green and Pierce be competitive in 2 years? Absolutely not. I've already touched on Green's shortcomings and haven't even addressed the fact that he is 100% not a power forward and would thus play the same position as Pierce so it wouldn't be a fit. So, let's say that Danny makes the smart decision and doesn't sign either Green or Kristic to long term deals, how does this improve our future? Why not go with Perk for the remainder of the season and send him on his way with his second championship ring and look to build around Rondo?

4) The Big Shamrock: The thinking went, the Celtics played out of their minds at the beginning of the season with Shaq in the starting lineup (the Celtics Hub shows us that the 4 All Stars + Shaq was the second best lineup in all of basketball). While he was out with an injury at the time of the deal, so was Perk, and Shaq was expected back soon and his offense combined with his ability to at least clog the lane would be plenty for this team. Well the season is now over and Shaq has played exactly 5 minutes since the deal and is as big a question mark going into the post season as John Travolta's sexuality. And even if Shaq were in fine shape, he is not Kendrick Perkins on defense. Chicago and Miami appear to be salivating to get a crack at our interior, prison style. As much fun as the starters seemed to have playing with Shaq earlier in the season, they were all doing so under the assumption that their brother would be back in full health eventually and they would get to put their starting 5 to the test once again. Since the deal, the team has sulked. They are acting like a bunch of babies yes, but we have to face this reality and realize that the Perk deal destroyed their morale, wrongly or rightly. And even a 100% healthy Shaq is not going to change that.

So where does Tony Allen fit into all of this? He's not around to brick layups and wide open jumpers or throw passes to the 15th row seats, so how is he killing our shot at a title?

On July 13, Tony Allen signed with the Memphis Grizzlies even though it was widely expected he would return to Boston. It seemed like an odd move at the time (though the deal I believe was for an extra year than the Celtics were offering) because he was going from being the 7th man for the Eastern Conference champs to being the 7th man for a team that would struggle to make the playoffs in the West.

On July 26, scrambling to fill T.A.'s void and find a capable backup for Pierce and Allen, Danny brought Marquis Daniels back to the team. Marquis was a solid player but injury prone and suffered from some of the same things that Jeff Green suffers from (no truly elite skills). At least he was a steady presence who could provide a little bit of what T.A. could by matching up with elite wing players and providing a little scoring and ball handling.

So what happened next? After a slow start to the season, T.A. exploded with the Grizzlies, alternating between the starting lineup and the bench and completely transforming the team into a defensive force. After a solid and healthy 4 months with the Celtics, Marquis injured his spine in a freak accident and was done for the season. All of a sudden, the already heavily snake bitten Celtics, were without a reliable backup wing player, while their former backup wing was playing like a man possessed down in Elvis country. Then on February 24, Trader Danny decided to address this backup wing issue, even though in the playoffs there is probably only a total of 16 minutes that we will need from a backup 2/3, and rather than make a small deal for a guy like Anthony Parker he traded away our intimidation.

I fully believe that if T.A. stayed in Boston, Marquis would not have been brought back, at the trade deadline we would not be needing a back up for Paul Pierce, and Danny would not have felt the need to trade away Kendrick Perkins. We would have had a defensive force with a passable offense and be prepared to seize Banner 18. What had started as one of the more enjoyable Celtics season in my lifetime has become a giant ball of uncertainty that will probably flame out in the second round.

At least we have the Red Sox...Oh wait.