Second chapter of a series
As you know, I am documenting my plight to get good at golf. I can confidently tell you that this weekend's rounds were a LOT more interesting than last weekend's. I didn't get any better, so I've decided that I am truly golfing for the purpose of writing about it.
Listen, I suck at this sport. I can't deny it. I suck at every sport in fact. I've accumulated 5 trophies in my life and all of them are those queer participatory ones. Hey! Here's a trophy just for playing. I was cut from the middle school basketball team. I was cut from the varsity baseball team for three years. In my senior year, I was offered a bench sport and my coach said at the year-end banquet that I would "make a great coach someday." Thanks Coach! Why don't you just tell me I have no skills at all?
Ok, on with the golf highlights from this past weekend...
We were all in good spirits before the round actually started. Upon everyone teeing off and hoping on our Mario Karts to find our balls (mine was sitting pretty in the fairway), I shot some video footage of everyone's second shots. Mind you, this video was recorded no more than two minutes later than the first:
With The Sandman coppin' that kinda 'tude with me two minutes into our round, I put the camera away in hopes that he didn't Dennis Rodman my ass and kick me. Needless to say The Sandman did not have a pretty round on this day. In fact, he gave true meaning to his nickname as the kid spent more time in the bunkers than I do perusing the Internet for Russian mail order brides.
Now, I was nervous as all hell because I failed to hit up the driving range on April 16th eve. I was stiff. I didn't like how my swing felt. I was in for a long day.
It was a decent front 9 for me this time out. The drives were straight. The chips were pretty. The putts were gorgeous. I was in the zone. Maybe Gordon's Vodka is the key to getting good at golf. It was a typical Odo round of golf. Par one hole, triple bogey the next, double bogey the next one. It's not pretty, but that's why I dress as well as I do. To cover up for the fact that I SUCK.
Best 9 holes of my career just happened. Kid shoots a 50. Who the f*ck needs golf lessons? I'll teach myself. I was just getting warmed up baby. If I can shoot a 50 on the front, I should be more than adequate to break 50 on the back. The Quest for 99 was well on its way. Today was the day....
I was feeling good going into the turn. The Gordon's Vodka wore off a bit, so we stopped at the clubhouse for a beer. It went down smooth. Less filling and tasted great.
Hole 10 - Bogey
Hole 11 - 4 over par
Hole 12 - 4 over par
Well this round quickly went to shit. I finished the back 9 with a 56. The Quest for 99 would have to continue another day. However, there was one positive takeaway from the day:
Yep. Despite my shit score, I played all 18 with only one ball. THIS is how a successful golfer should be measured. I decided on this day that I'd rather shoot a 109 and not lose a single ball than shoot a 97 and lose three balls. I'll triple putt all I f*ckin' want as long as I don't lose any balls. YAHTZEE.
Another key takeaway from this day was MikeyMo doing his best Happy Gilmore impression. He absolutely LAUNCHED his pitching wedge onto a nearby train track. This wedge launching occurred on the 16th hole and was pretty freakin' hysterical. You had to be there for it. Evenmore so, The Sandman put his clubs on Craiglist for a short period of time. He retired from the game for good.